Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Alia Bhat
There was 100 Metre Race............
Referee '1,2,3 GO!....
Everybody Started Running except Alia Bhat..
Referee - y r u not running .....?
Alia - My Number is 4
=======================================
Bank Officer --- Our Bank is giving you Loan without Interest.
Alia Bhat ----- If you have no interest in giving loan then why are you giving ????
=======================================
Once There was a mirror that killed anyone who lied.....
FRENCH : I think I don't smoke (died)
AMERICAN : I think I love my wife (died)
ALIA BHAT : I think .... (died)
=======================================
Alia Bhat and Varun Dhawan are walking on a road and they find a 1000 rupee note lying down.
Alia -- What should we do now?
Varun - We'll take 50:50.
Alia -- What about the remaining 900.
=======================================
Alia reading newepaper .........
News : " Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump"
Alia comments : Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while Jumping.
========================================
Referee '1,2,3 GO!....
Everybody Started Running except Alia Bhat..
Referee - y r u not running .....?
Alia - My Number is 4
=======================================
Bank Officer --- Our Bank is giving you Loan without Interest.
Alia Bhat ----- If you have no interest in giving loan then why are you giving ????
=======================================
Once There was a mirror that killed anyone who lied.....
FRENCH : I think I don't smoke (died)
AMERICAN : I think I love my wife (died)
ALIA BHAT : I think .... (died)
=======================================
Alia Bhat and Varun Dhawan are walking on a road and they find a 1000 rupee note lying down.
Alia -- What should we do now?
Varun - We'll take 50:50.
Alia -- What about the remaining 900.
=======================================
Alia reading newepaper .........
News : " Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump"
Alia comments : Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while Jumping.
========================================
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Time managment
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"
SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"
SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.
"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.
Some things are more important.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Saas Bahu Jokes
एक सयानी सास ने नई-नई आई बहू से पूछा –
बहू-मान लो अगर तुम पलंग पर
बैठी हो और मैं भी उस पर आकर
बैठ जाऊं तो तुम क्या करोगी ?
बहू –तो मैं उठकर सोफे पर बैठ जाऊंगी.
सास – और अगर मैं भी आकर सोफे पर बैठ
जाऊं तो क्या करोगी ?
बहू – तो मैं फर्श पर चटाई बिछाकर बैठ जाऊंगी.
सास–और अगर मैं भी चटाई पर आ जाऊं तो फिर क्या करोगी ?
बहू –तो मैं जमीन पर बैठ जाऊंगी
सास मजे लेते हुए आगे बोली – और मैं जमीन पर भी तुम्हारे बगल में बैठ गई तो क्या करोगी ?
बहू (खीझ कर ) – तो मैं जमीन में गड्ढा खोद कर उसमें बैठ जाऊंगी.
सास – और अगर मैं गड्ढे में भी आकर बैठ गई तो ?
बहू – तो मैं गड्ढे से निकलकर
ऊपर से मिट्टी डालकर तुझे वहीँ दफना दूँगी ठरकी बुढ़िया ..
बहू-मान लो अगर तुम पलंग पर
बैठी हो और मैं भी उस पर आकर
बैठ जाऊं तो तुम क्या करोगी ?
बहू –तो मैं उठकर सोफे पर बैठ जाऊंगी.
सास – और अगर मैं भी आकर सोफे पर बैठ
जाऊं तो क्या करोगी ?
बहू – तो मैं फर्श पर चटाई बिछाकर बैठ जाऊंगी.
सास–और अगर मैं भी चटाई पर आ जाऊं तो फिर क्या करोगी ?
बहू –तो मैं जमीन पर बैठ जाऊंगी
सास मजे लेते हुए आगे बोली – और मैं जमीन पर भी तुम्हारे बगल में बैठ गई तो क्या करोगी ?
बहू (खीझ कर ) – तो मैं जमीन में गड्ढा खोद कर उसमें बैठ जाऊंगी.
सास – और अगर मैं गड्ढे में भी आकर बैठ गई तो ?
बहू – तो मैं गड्ढे से निकलकर
ऊपर से मिट्टी डालकर तुझे वहीँ दफना दूँगी ठरकी बुढ़िया ..
योगा टीचर- क्या योग करने से आपके पति की शराब पीने की आदत पर कुछ असर पड़ा?
बबली-हां, बहुत शानदार असर पड़ा है। अब वह पूरी बोतल सिर के बल खड़े होकर एक ही सांस में पी जाते हैं!!
बबली-हां, बहुत शानदार असर पड़ा है। अब वह पूरी बोतल सिर के बल खड़े होकर एक ही सांस में पी जाते हैं!!
पप्पू-मम्मी
मुझे नींद नहीं आ रही, मुझे कोई कहानी सुनाओ।
मम्मी-थोड़ी देर ठहर जा,
तुम्हारे डैडी आते ही होंगे। टाइम पर घर न आने की कहानी वो जो मुझे
सुनाएंगे तू भी सुन लेना
एक कंजूस आदमी के घर मेहमान आया.
कंजूस – “भाईसाहब, ठंडा लेंगे या गरम ?”
मेहमान – “ठंडा…”
कंजूस – “जूस या कोल्डड्रिंक ?”
मेहमान – “जूस ले लूँगा .”
कंजूस – “स्टील के गिलास में लेंगे या
कांच के गिलास में … ?”
मेहमान – “कांच के गिलास में ले आओ …”
कंजूस – “प्लेन या डिजाइन वाला ?”
मेहमान (परेशान होते हुए ) – “अरे यार, डिजाइन वाले में ही ले आओ … !”
कंजूस – “ओके, कौनसी डिजाइन पसंद है ?
लाइनों वाली या फूलों वाली ?”
मेहमान – “फूलों वाली.”
कंजूस – “कौन से फूल ? गुलाब के या चमेली के ?”
मेहमान – “गुलाब के.”
.
.
.
कंजूस (अपनी बीवी से) – “लाजो, ज़रा देख तो गुलाब
के फूलों की डिजाइन वाला गिलास अपने घर में है या नहीं ?”
बीवी – “नहीं है जी …”
कंजूस (खीजते हुए ) – “ओ त्तेरी ! नहीं है ....?
.
चल फिर जूस रहने दे …
भाईसाहब को मजा नहीं आएगा…. !!!
कंजूस – “भाईसाहब, ठंडा लेंगे या गरम ?”
मेहमान – “ठंडा…”
कंजूस – “जूस या कोल्डड्रिंक ?”
मेहमान – “जूस ले लूँगा .”
कंजूस – “स्टील के गिलास में लेंगे या
कांच के गिलास में … ?”
मेहमान – “कांच के गिलास में ले आओ …”
कंजूस – “प्लेन या डिजाइन वाला ?”
मेहमान (परेशान होते हुए ) – “अरे यार, डिजाइन वाले में ही ले आओ … !”
कंजूस – “ओके, कौनसी डिजाइन पसंद है ?
लाइनों वाली या फूलों वाली ?”
मेहमान – “फूलों वाली.”
कंजूस – “कौन से फूल ? गुलाब के या चमेली के ?”
मेहमान – “गुलाब के.”
.
.
.
कंजूस (अपनी बीवी से) – “लाजो, ज़रा देख तो गुलाब
के फूलों की डिजाइन वाला गिलास अपने घर में है या नहीं ?”
बीवी – “नहीं है जी …”
कंजूस (खीजते हुए ) – “ओ त्तेरी ! नहीं है ....?
.
चल फिर जूस रहने दे …
भाईसाहब को मजा नहीं आएगा…. !!!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Wife with new SIM Card
. Woman Buys A New SIM Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise
Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..
Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..
Husband and wife
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
Doctor , Husband and Wife
The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have Physical Relationship with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have Physical Relationship with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have Physical Relationship with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
Doctor
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Engineering Student
Prove that 2/10=2
Commerce student:
Wrong question.
Medical student:
No Way.
Professor:
It's strange, how is it possible?
Engineering Student:
Two/Ten
=wo/en
(T with T cancel)
w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter
So,
23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2
Airhostess
Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai,
Jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai.
Kaun hai Jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!
Jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai.
Kaun hai Jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!
Indian Engineers
"Once in a soap industry in
Japan,
.
The soap cover was mistakenly
packed without soap in it
i.e empty box. To avoid the
problem in the
future
Engineers purchased X-Ray
machine of 60 thousand dollars
to check whether soap is Packed
in every cover
or not in assembly
line.
Same problem occurred in
India..
What did they do?
Indian Engineers simply put a
fan beside d assembly
line&Empty
boxes were flown away!
.
India Rocks :)"
Japan,
.
The soap cover was mistakenly
packed without soap in it
i.e empty box. To avoid the
problem in the
future
Engineers purchased X-Ray
machine of 60 thousand dollars
to check whether soap is Packed
in every cover
or not in assembly
line.
Same problem occurred in
India..
What did they do?
Indian Engineers simply put a
fan beside d assembly
line&Empty
boxes were flown away!
.
India Rocks :)"
BIWI (Wife)
Duniya ki best "MAA" to har
bete ke paas hoti hai,
.
.
.
.
Lekin pata nahi duniya ki best
"BIWI"
Padosi ke paas hi kyu hoti
bete ke paas hoti hai,
.
.
.
.
Lekin pata nahi duniya ki best
"BIWI"
Padosi ke paas hi kyu hoti
hai.. ??
Monday, April 21, 2014
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
No comments: